Earthdog (earthdog) wrote,

State of my Heart Address 2008

SFlickr Social Scene February 07: Candy Heart

I am love. I am not sure how I can say it any plainer or clearer. That is not the best part. The best part is that the woman I am in love with loves me back. Maybe that is not the best part. Maybe the best part is that I have never felt this way about someone before.

I do not know what to say about my love life. I spent my 20s being alone. I did not have a meaningful romantic relationship from the age of 19 to the age of 30. When I turned 30 a friend told me that it was about to change. Guys like us look better in our 30s than in our 20s. I guess he was right. I am not upset at not having relationships in my 20s. I think it has helped mold me into the person I am right now. I think I am a good person now, ready to love. I am doing my best to use my past to my advantage.

I cannot put into words how I feel right now. I have deleted this paragraph four or five times. Every way I try to describe Kate seems to fall short. The worlds do not seem to live up to the task of conveying the truth. I cannot find words that show what is really in my heart. She is so much more to me than I ever expected.

I have seen Kate very day in the last four months. I cannot not imagine not seeing her everyday. I cannot imagine seeing her more than I see anyone else. I cannot imagine her not being this close to her. I cannot imagine being without her touch, her sent, her voice, or her close to me. I want to spend the rest of my life being close to her.

The state of my heart is very good right now. I am amazed at everything that has happened in the past few months. I was not expecting it to happen. I was not looking when it happened. I was opened to the idea that it could happen. When it happened, I was not afraid of what could happen.

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