Earthdog (earthdog) wrote,
Earthdog
earthdog

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I turned 35 today. It really does not feel any different that 34. That is one of the advantages of a June birthday. I get a few months to get used to the idea of my age changing. As soon as the new year start I think about the change.

I am not sure what 35 means. I had dinner with a friend again. Said that we will never be 28 years old again. I understand what she means, but I would not want to go back anyway. I always see that as arrested development.

I already have enough problems with arrested development. I am 35 years old, but I do not always feel like an adult. There is no one who depends on me. I have no wife or children. My apartment looks like it is lived in my a frat boy. I have not found a reason not to live that way so far. It makes me wonder how long I can live this way.

I was listening to the Neil Young song Tell Me Why. I first heard this song when I was 15 years old. I borrowed a copy of After the Gold Rush from Jeremy's Dad. It was one of those albums that really changed the way I looked at music. The music and the lyrics really impacted me.

There is a line in Tell Me Why that has always spoke to me.


Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself,
When your old enough to repay but young enough to sell?


From age 15 to 35 I have always seen myself as the age Neil Young sings about in the song. I always feel that I am old enough to repay but young enough to sell. I am not even sure what it means. It has to mean something different to me in 2007 than 1987, but I am not sure I can explain it.

I guess this is because I feel that I am in the part of my life where I am not a kid, but I have never become an adult. My guess is that I might always feel this way. At least the Baby Boomers have done a good job getting the world ready for kids that never need to become adults.


Sailing heart-ships thru broken harbors
Out on the waves in the night
Still the searcher must ride the dark horse
Racing alone in his fright.
Tell me why, tell me why

Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself,
When your old enough to repay but young enough to sell?

Tell me lies later, come and see me
I'll be around for a while.
I am lonely but you can free me
All in the way that you smile
Tell me why, tell me why

Is it hard to make arrangements with yourself,
When your old enough to repay but young enough to sell?

Tell me why, tell me why
Tell me why, tell me why
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