I really loved Abigail. Both times she broke up with me really hurt. I am still not sure what happened the second time. It really did not make sense to me. I guess that is what happens when you try to restart something. It might be for the best because now I can put it all behind me now.
Loving Abigail taught me something about myself. I know that I can totally put myself out there for someone. I know that I can get past all of those worries and anxiety to really connect with someone. In the past I was worried that I would be able to do something like that at all.
The problem in the post-Abigail era is that It is harder to be alone. I find myself being lonely more often. Before I meet Abigail I did a pretty good job of being alone without being lonely. Since the break up I find myself wanting to share things with someone else. There are more nights when my bed feels empty and I know it will not change anytime soon.
That being said, I am in rush to find someone. There are a bunch more things in my life that I am focused on. I would like to resolve those things first. I do not have the energy to put into looking for a relationship. If a relationship happened unexpectedly I would not walk away from it because I am not ready. I just think that I need to work on other things first. Things that would just get distracted by a relationship.
St. Valentines Day is here again and I am alone again. That is par for me. I have been alone many more years than I have had a Valentine. I wish I have someone to spend the day with. It would be nice if I had someone, but I will not be crying myself asleep because I do not.
