March 30th, 2007

candy heart

Stripping the past

Tonight I am going to see Son Volt and Magnolia Electric Co. Both of these bands are bands that remind me of Abigail. I introduced her to Son Volt and she introduced me to Magnolia Electric Co. Music was a big part of our relationship. There are lots of bits of music that make me think of her.

I am going to the show because I want to strip some of the meaning from these bands. I first saw Son Volt 12 years ago in Philadelphia. I have been listening to them since their first album. I should be able to listen to them and not think of Abigail. Some times it does not work out that way.

I would like to look back at my relationship with Abigail and smile. I would like to think about how fun our year together was and how I enjoyed it. That is easier said than done. When I look back I am think about how it ended. I think about how close she was to being the one, but she was not the one and close is not good enough. It might as well been a million miles away from working. It would have ended either way. Right now when I looks back I feel angry because of how it ended (both times) or I feel like a failure for not being what she needed.

I am trying to move forward. I am trying my best not to be stuck in my past. Any advice for the best ways you have found to change they way you look at the past?