February 14th, 2007

candy heart

The 2007 State of My Heart Address

I am here once again to look at the state of my heart. The last year have not been kind to me in terms of romance. I had some good times in 2007, but they were not to last. Abigail broke up with me twice in that time. The first time really screwed me up, the second time just made me feel like crap.

I really loved Abigail. Both times she broke up with me really hurt. I am still not sure what happened the second time. It really did not make sense to me. I guess that is what happens when you try to restart something. It might be for the best because now I can put it all behind me now.

Loving Abigail taught me something about myself. I know that I can totally put myself out there for someone. I know that I can get past all of those worries and anxiety to really connect with someone. In the past I was worried that I would be able to do something like that at all.

The problem in the post-Abigail era is that It is harder to be alone. I find myself being lonely more often. Before I meet Abigail I did a pretty good job of being alone without being lonely. Since the break up I find myself wanting to share things with someone else. There are more nights when my bed feels empty and I know it will not change anytime soon.

That being said, I am in rush to find someone. There are a bunch more things in my life that I am focused on. I would like to resolve those things first. I do not have the energy to put into looking for a relationship. If a relationship happened unexpectedly I would not walk away from it because I am not ready. I just think that I need to work on other things first. Things that would just get distracted by a relationship.

St. Valentines Day is here again and I am alone again. That is par for me. I have been alone many more years than I have had a Valentine. I wish I have someone to spend the day with. It would be nice if I had someone, but I will not be crying myself asleep because I do not.